Tired Of Holding It All Together? 🐺

Does any of this sound familiar?

• “I’ve got this.”

• “I don’t want to be a burden.”

• “It’s easier if I just do it myself.”

• “No one else will meet my standards anyway.”

If so, you might be in what I like to call “Lone Wolf Survival Mode”—a state of being that's driven by the belief that you must do everything alone. It's a state many high-achievers know all too well. I know I did.

For much of my life, I prided myself on being the kind of person who didn’t need help, who could carry it all on her own. I wore my independence like armour. I trusted myself to get it done right, quickly, and without relying on anyone. It was an efficient, predictable, and safe strategy.

I fondly identified as a lone wolf.

I LOVE wolves. Wolves are built for endurance, with lean, athletic bodies and long legs (like mine, the legs at least!). They’re often seen as symbols of strength, intelligence, and autonomy. As apex predators, wolves are often feared. They’ve been vilified in folklore and driven to near extinction in some regions due to conflict with humans and livestock predation.

However, wolves are a misunderstood and complex creature (ahem, me again!).

Despite their bad rap, wolves support healthy ecosystems by regulating prey populations to sustain habitat and maintain ecological balance. Figures of independence, wolves are also profoundly social animals. They live, hunt, raise their young, and survive as part of a cooperative wolf pack. Each member has a role and contributes to the well-being of the whole pack.

When a wolf is alone, it’s usually because something has gone wrong, and the wolf has been forced out of the pack due to illness, injury, conflict, or instability. While some wolves do eventually find new packs or mates, a lone wolf is vulnerable to starvation, threats, and stress unless and until they do.

In nature, a lone wolf is not romantic or heroic—it’s often a sick wolf or a wolf in distress. And when we refer to ourselves or others as lone wolves, especially in the context of high achievement or professional independence, we’re actually glorifying a state of disconnection and depletion.

The Lone Wolf Identity

Many of us pride ourselves for being lone wolves because this identity is celebrated. And, because it works to protect us. Maybe you learned that asking for help leads to disappointment or frustration. Or that being low maintenance and capable earns love and esteem. Or even that your safety depends on not needing anyone. And that’s how Lone Wolf Survival Mode takes hold.

But beneath the protective armour is often an old survival strategy: a belief that trusting others isn’t safe, that asking for help makes you appear weak, or that your worth depends on how much you can handle alone.

Many high-achievers operate in Lone Wolf Survival Mode—fiercely independent, capable, and always the one others count on. And for a time, this identity feels good. Empowering, even. It brings a sense of control, safety, and pride. But the feeling eventually begins to shift. What once felt strong starts to feel heavy. Over time, being the dependable one becomes a tedious burden. And carrying that heavy armour and everything yourself starts to have high costs: your energy, joy, and sense of being supported the way you so readily help others.

Lone Wolves Need Packs: Exploring the Power of Belonging

Even the toughest alpha wolves aren’t truly lone wolves—they are part of a deeply interconnected pack that depends on one another for survival, protection, and care. In the wild, wolves thrive through cooperation, not isolation. The alpha doesn’t lead by doing everything alone; they are supported by the strength, trust, and loyalty of the pack. Even the strongest wolves need moments of softness—of being held, seen, and supported. It’s a myth that strength means going it alone. In nature, true resilience is relational. The same is true for us: no matter how strong, capable, or independent we are, we all need support.

Moving out of Lone Wolf Survival Mode doesn’t mean abandoning your strength, independence, or high standards. Those are still part of who you are, and they’ve likely helped you get where you are today. Instead, it’s about recognizing that true resilience includes rest. That asking for and receiving help isn’t a weakness, it’s a form of wisdom. It’s about expanding into a new way of being that honours your drive and self-reliance, but allows room for connection, nourishment, and ease.

The Invitation

This is where coaching can be a powerful and necessary support. When you’ve spent years holding it all together and navigating success alone, it can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable, to slow down, be witnessed, and receive support without judgment. Coaching creates a rare kind of space: one that’s confidential, compassionate, and clear. It helps you untangle the beliefs that keep you stuck in Lone Wolf Survival Mode and gently guides you toward new ways of being rooted in self-trust, aligned ambition, and connection that strengthens rather than depletes.

You don’t have to carry it all alone. And the truth is, you were never meant to.